So..we made it through Halloween, barely..haha And now we are days away from Thanksgiving. I have been busy and when your busy time passes SOO quickly.

I had a bit of a crazy day yesterday and when I finally laid down to go to sleep I couldn't sleep thinking about everything in life that I not only take for granted but get upset over.
Yesterday I had two photo sessions, actually 3..but we won't go there. I was running around all day and just not really able to relax without having to think about what I should be doing. I was cleaning and editing and getting ready for sessions all at pretty much the same time..With a little bit of messes mixed in--as usual.

But at the end of the day I realized that in those crazy days I need to take a few more minutes out for my boys and do the things they want to do, even when I "NEED" to do way too many other things.


I had Tate in the bathroom while I was showering yesterday and all of the sudden got a huge wiff of nail polish. I never paint my nails anymore so I don't even know where it came from..But I slide open the shower door and he just looks at me as he holds out his hand,," Look mom, cute, so beautiful" in his cute lil voice that he has. I probably should've been a little more upset over all of the nail polish spilled on the floor but I just laughed (and he ran back to the bottle to paint his one nail that he missed) He did a really good job too, I was surprised! I guess there's no need for manicures anymore when he could do them for me! haha

Then a few hours passed and he says to me "LOOK MOM! A shark..." as he pointed to the wall in our hallway, with a pen in his hand. Looks like we'll need to do some more painting..
We thought we were done with the "Wall art" phase. But then again, some day I will miss that!

Tate and Beck are partners in crime already! They are both mischievious and so smart! Tate opened the fridge and Beck got a hold of the chocolate syrup..By the time I realized it he already had it dripping down his clothes..I didn't even get a picture, dangit!

A little later in the day I was getting the boys ready for bed, Beck was out of the bath, diaper on,  when all of the sudden he decided to go headfirst into the bath with Tate! I was so frustrated since I had just gotten him dried off but Tate thought it was funniest thing ever. So I pulled Beck out of the bath and set him on the counter to put a new diaper on and of course somehow his pjs got knocked into the sink and he had on the faucet..There are very few warm pj's that fit this kid so I had to dig through all of their clothes to find anything that would serve the purpose. Life is never boring--that's for sure! lol



Then I started thinking of things I already miss--I miss Tate going straight to the cabinet filled with pots and pans the second we got home from anywhere. He would sit there with a spoon and a bowl all day if I let him. Then we got cabinet locks and he just forgot about it. It's funny that that's kind of sad to me now. I used to think it was the funniest thing..

Beckham is catching up quickly. He is "walking" so good; He can take several steps and is so strong but of course crawling is still easier for now. I think he is into everything just as bad if not worse than Tate was.
Beck's FAVORITE thing is to pull all of the toilet paper off the roll...
BUT he also loves to empty any trashcan or trashbag that he finds
He always takes my usb out when I am loading pictures to the computer
& I catch him trying to choke on something everyday!
Boys will be boys! haha

Beck is saying momma & dadda
He waves hi & bye
& Today I swear he was trying to lead the music at church--so funny!
He is the sweetest lil chunky kid and he LOVES his older brother.

They both got very handsome haircuts this week--Beck looks so much older without his long hair!
Sad, but I love it.

Today I am thankful for the plan of salvation, and for the time I had with Lorin and the amazing person that he was. He passed away 4 years ago today, such a hard and sad day that was. I am grateful for the few months that I knew him and grew so close to him, the impact that those couple months have had on my life is far reaching and I am continually blessed for having  known him. He is missed so much by all of us but I know he is watching over us. We will see him again someday.

Thankful

I'm hoping Thanksgiving goes a little better than Halloween for us. Thanksgiving is so simple and all about Family and I love that. I love getting to see everyone and catching up on life--there are always so many great laughs...It's funny how you get older and you just enjoy being able to sit and talk for a bit!

This year I am so grateful for so many things..I hope to be better at actually saying that at loud though. I know I definitely take some things for granted. Enjoy the holidays, everyone!
I need to play a little catch up!

                                       I AM SO VERY THANKFUL FOR MY BOYS <3 p="p">

 

 

 

I AM SO THANKFUL FOR BRANDON & HIS JOB & Willingness to provide for us. <3 p="p">

 

 

 

I AM SO THANKFUL FOR CHURCH, & FOR WHAT IT MEANS TO ME. <3 p="p">

 

Halloween

This past week was Halloween--I always picture these holidays much different than they actually turn out! Justyne had sent the boys Thing 1 & Thing 2 Tshirts from Florida, I had been so stumped on what to dress them up as and that solved my problem--or so I thought!!
I had the idea to get them "candy cane" red and white pants to wear with their shirts(BUT apparently those aren't easy to find until after Halloween) so I had looked around a couple times and then had given up to try again later. Of course--Tate had a few meltdowns in different stores and come 5:30 on Halloween night they had NO PANTS for their costumes! I rushed off to Kohls crossing my fingers and dropped the boys, including Brandon, off at Jared's since we were all supposed to take the kids out together, and were eating some pizza before taking off!
I was keeping close tabs on everything going on to make sure that I made it back before Trick or Treating began..I was a bit horrified when I pulled up and found out Tate was out Trick or Treating without a costume! My poor kid, I felt like the "Mother of the year", seriously. That is not a good feeling, and not only did he not have a costume, but his mom wasn't there to take him to get his candy. Luckily my awesome Sister-in-Laws filled in while I was MIA! Tate didn't even notice he was looking like the neglected child and he at least got to show off his costume the last few streets!
Beck was sick for the week leading up  to Halloween so he dressed up but stayed with his dad to pass out candy! I'm sure he loved watching all of the people, he is a very content boy, and so sweet.
He did so good the whole night despite his ear infection and runny nose!

We went a few more rounds of Trick-or-Treating and the kids raked in tons of candy! They had so much fun going all together, I am so grateful that Tate and Beck have so many cousins so close to grow up with and become great friends with. It is so fun to watch their personalities develop!

     Holidays mean traditions and traditions seem to bring back so many good memories.
I was thinking back to last year at this time and realized just how fast everything has Changed.
Last year I took my one lil Pirate Dressed boy trick-or-treating while Brandon was away at the police academy.Tate and I made it about halfway down one street before turning around to head home, it wasn't that we were in a hurry or anything..He just decided to stop and bark at every single dog in the neighborhood--"Roof, Roof", so that took up all of the time he could've been knocking on doors. At just over 1 year old I figured he didn't need to fill up his candy bag anyway.
    Somewhere between the time we started trick or treating and one of the 6 houses we actually made it to he also learned to say "Thank you". I love that. I love that he learned from the example of those kids, myself and the others that he is always around, to be grateful and express it. He still to this day RARELY forgets to say thank you. He even thanks you when you let him do things for you, make him lunch, or give him hugs and kisses. Hard to believe he's also the nursery bully, huh?! This year is Beck's first Halloween. We are still COSTUME-LESS, even though we think we have several clever ideas, and our ward trunk-or-treat is tomorrow. Wish us luck on finding something before then! I love the holiday season so much, and the weather it brings is pretty great too:)
     Last year we also took Tate to Schnepf farms so we were able to take both boys this year and we had soooo much fun. I was really impressed with all that they had for both of the boys to do. Tate has had a blast both times. He was able to ride a pony and jump on the giant trampoline pillows, we all went to the petting zoo, and rode the bumblebees, Tate got to go on the little airplane ride, and we all went on the spooky train and huge tube slides. The boys didn't even get scared on the train, they have people dressed in scary costumes running alongside the train and just being creepy, Tate actually yelled," Bye Monsters, See ya Later," I'm just glad we didn't cause any nightmares!! Both years we have finished off with going to the pumpkin patch. I think this is his (Tate's) favorite part.He runs around to all of his favorites yelling, "Pumpkin..I yuv it!," He "yuvs" all of them, but after a bit of a chase we let him pick one for himself and another for Little brother and he was content with that!He was SO proud of his pick! He put his pumpkin in the stroller and pushed it all the way to the car. He hugged it and told us how much he loved it all the way home, we were laughing so hard. It was adorable. 
     Beckham had his 9 month appointment this last week. He is our little Tank boy. I love his chunky little self. He is 30 1/4 in which puts him in the 95th percentile for height and 23 pounds, can you believe that puts him at only the 80th percentile for weight?! Those poor mommas that have to carry around those bigger babies I am sorry! haha! I always joke that Beck needs to start walking because I won't be able to carry him around much longer, funny enough he took 4 steps today--That is the most yet..He usually only takes 1 or 2. He is very strong and very very BUSY despite just being able to crawl. He can keep up with all of us!
      Sunday Tate was brought to me from nursery. I thought nothing of it and asked if he needed to go potty and of course I was quickly corrected with a half smile from his nursery leader..."No he was being a little rough", great..I'm going to be THAT mom. I really don't want those calls from preschool, and then elementary school, and high school. Then again he is only two, and most people reassure me that every kid goes through it. I hope so. We started up "park days" now that it has cooled down and I'm hoping that being with friends more often helps him to handle those situations a little better;) He really is the Sweetest kid, when he wants to be!!
    Even though he is usually doesn't have the greatest of days in nursery he always loves to sing the songs he learns in singing time. His favorite is still "Popcorn popping" but he also loves "Jesus wants me for a Sunbeam", "Twinkle, Twinkle Lil Star", and "Old Mcdonald", he usually won't sing for you if you ask him to but I often hear him in the other ring singing just loud enough for me to hear and I love it. He also likes to count..It goes a little like this..1,2,3,6,7,9!! But if you count with him he somehow magically knows what comes next?! In the right order?! I think he just likes to tease me, Or he thinks his number order is better!
   
     I have also thought lately about how much I haven't written down or how much I've forgotten over the last couple years watching my boys grow. I think day to day it seems like nothing changes so it's not until you look back and think, "What is it that he used to say, What is it that they used to do?!" that you realize your kids change every.single.day. I catch myself saying that a lot, I hope someday I remember some of those things that I thought I would never forget.

Mother's Day 2012

I can not get enough of my two handsome boys. BUT This morning was one of those mornings--One of the mornings where you kinda want to cry, kinda want to pull your hair out, even if my boys have already ripped out what they could. haha Most of the time I can just laugh but sometimes I do let it stress me out a bit. Tate is at that point of doing things for a reaction, well he must love me a lot because he ALWAYS gets a reaction. I can't just sit there and watch him trail toilet paper from the bathroom down the hallway, or empty the trash can, or even dip everything in the toilet. It's funny to me a few hours later but not very funny in the moment. I do love that curious little boy. & I love his brother, who I predict will make a great partner in crime someday!! I have come to the conclusion that I wouldn't cherish the sweet moments so much, or find such great reward in being a parent, if it weren't for the days like today. So crazy, exhausting days can be a blessing...And like my mom always says,someday I will miss the toilet paper trails. I don't doubt that I will, it is a huge part of what makes that cute lil person who just happens to be my Favorite blonde haired boy.

I do have to say I am very proud of him. He is the SMARTEST lil one and a half year old I know, and that is no thanks to me teaching him. (the Iphone, maybe) but even then I don't know where he gets his genius from!! Haha He brings me lifesavers and can tell me what color they are..He only knows green and purple but still..And he can tell you what a triangle, circle, star and a heart is. The best part is it's not even something we really practice. My mom actually drew a triangle just to be funny since he was telling us the other shapes and he without hesitation blurted out "TRIANGLE" it was a great laugh. He amazes me more every day. Also I happened to say out of frustration this morning "How old are you?" and in his cute little way, not realizing my tone he replied, "one." I was instantly cured of my frustration;) Funny how that works! Now he is asleep and I miss him, even if he's just in the other room. Beck is sure a smiley little guy right now. He is definitely one way or the other, he screams his head off or can't help but giggle or smile at you. He is loud and likes to shreak..He also loves to roll around--EVERYWHERE. You can't put him down without him instantly trying to roll over, and he is already finding his way out of his carseat if it's unbuckled. Tate did the same at 4 months, so he is staying pretty on track with big brother. However, there is one HUGE difference. I am pretty sure Beck is the size of an average 7-8 month old, yes, he's only 4 months and I would guess he weighs nearly 17 pounds. He is solid! He drinks no less than 6 ounces every couple hours and absolutely lovess to eat! I love having him so chunky, except when I have to heave him into the carts at the grocery store. That is NOT so fun. I am grateful that his big brother is starting to notice and love him more. He still does not want to hold him and pushes him away pretty much everytime and gets absolutely DISGUSTED and freaks out when he spits up. (He will literally frantically run around and try to clean it up with anything he thinks might do the job, if you can imagine--pillows, bags, etc.). I am looking forward to Beck being up and about, mostly because I know Tate will love him so much more when he can do some of the things that he does. Right now I think he thinks he's pretty boring..and gross:) which is sad, but he doesn't know any better.

Easter Weekend.

Yesterday we took Tate to Chuck E Cheese's..Not as fun as I remember it but he LOVED it, and had fun just running around playing all kinds of games with Brandon! I'm not sure who loved it more actually:) We need to be spending more "Fun" time as a family!





Then we went to an orange grove to scope out a photo location for tonight, Tate managed to take an orange and had nearly the entire thing eaten before we got home..Without us noticing for quite a while! It was pretty hilarious..He had to be hosed off when we got home but he didn't mind:)

Beckham has been smiling like crazy lately and even giggles every now and then, I love to see his personality showing through!I laid him down for some tummy time the other day and he managed to get himself turned almost all the way around..So he was facing the opposite direction..It was the funniest thing to watch him do! Next he will be scooting along, he is sure trying hard to do that already!! He is quite the little chunk--I LOVE IT! He can drink and 8 oz bottle pretty quick, I don't think that's normal! He is So the opposite of what Tate with that, is so it's fun! People are even starting to tell me he is looking more like his Big brother, I don't know about that! Life with 2 boys is fun!



& THis weekend is sure to be a crazy one.

Tonight I have a photo session with 2 adorable little kids
After we are going to the Easter Pageant with Brandon's friend Matt, his wife Mindy and their daughter.
Tomorrow we have Brandon's Mission reunion--he is really looking forward to meeting everyone
Saturday we have a ward Easter egg hunt we are hoping to take Tate to, then a family reunion for Brandon's Family, and a get together with the Dukes!
Sunday is EASTER, and hopefully a little down time.
I am going to have some tired boys in this house!
Just in time for Brandon to start working nights, unfortunately this shift is here to stay for awhile!!
I better get started on all my homework before the craziness starts!

Well wish us luck, I should have some fun pics to share after it's all over!

Why Am I Still Awake?!

Alright, I'm a slacker.
Life is just so busy right now, or at least it seems that way!
I feel like everything is "GO, GO, GO!!!" all the time, yet it seems I can't ever get all of the things done that I need to! What the heck..

The one thing I get to do every day that is the most important thing anyway is be a MOM to the best little boys anyone could ask for. They seriously are my EVERYTHING and I can't look at them without smiling. I was driving the other day, just thinking and realized how boring life would be without those two little crazy kids, I love them so much.

I finally got everything going with photography and I am hoping that over the next year or so I can create a business from the hobby I love, it would be so nice to have the extra money while doing something I love! I have wanted to do this for so long so as of right now I am just trying not to get discouraged by all of the amazing pictures I see from more than amazing photographers, I just have to keep telling myself that I can only learn if I am taking photos, and everyone started somewhere! Here are a few recent photos I've taken: (Yay for my sister who is engaged to be married May 5th, 2012--Soon to be Mr. & Mrs. Smith..) (Lil Mr. Beck--2 1/2 months..I messed up and put the watermark on these)

I have been taking temple prep classes, for the second time. At first I really questioned why I had to take the classes twice but of course I didn't say anything and I went ahead and went. It didn't take long for me to love them..I think within the first few minutes I realized that I really needed it and that it was all meant to be. I feel like I learned so much more the second time around and that it really was a blessing. I can't wait to be able to go to the temple and partake of all the blessings that are offered there! I am so excited! :)

Aside from taking the temple prep classes, being a mom and all that it requires, and starting the whole photog thing, I also started school! I was so excited to get back into things and get back on track. I was nearly two years ahead of everyone my age because of the hard work I had put into school right after graduation. I never really allowed myself to take a break and really pushed myself..Then I had to take two semesters off, at different times, one because I was due with Tate the day it started and one because I was due with Beckham shortly after it started. That was hard for me but I am so glad I made the choice to take that time off because I know now all of the things I would've missed out on with my boys!

March 12th I celebrated my 20th birthday. Ahhh. I seriously had two kids before I turned 20. Even I think it's crazy. It's really weird for me..I never thought I would be where I am today but I feel like this is where my life is supposed to be at this point. I have been blessed with so much thus far that I can't imagine what the years to come will bring to my life. I can't imagine it being any better. For the record...I don't feel like I've missed out on anything, yea I am young and I have two kids but they are the best two things in my life..honestly.

Beckham is becoming a happier baby, I don't know if it's us learning or him growing out of a phase. When he was born the doctor handed him to me and I couldn't get him to calm down and honestly there's still moments like that. With Tate everything was so easy and I think it makes it harder but I have so much more patience than I used to. I think the hardest part is just not knowing what to do, I want him to be happy and I don't always know how to make that happen. Yet there are literally times that he just smiles from ear to ear continuously. I love those moments, I guess the hard times make those times even better.He is so strong and holds his head up so good, and rolls over everytime I put him down for some tummy time. He already drinks 6 ounce bottles like it's nothing and is becoming quite the lil chubby guy--ILOVEIT. He is already 2 1/2 months so I know I need to cherish every moment.





Tate is also becoming an amazing big brother. At first he wasn't sure what to think about his lil brother stealing a little bit of his thunder but he's slowly realizing that he is still very loved and still gets TOO MUCH attention. The other day he ran from the shower to Beckham and says "BROTHHERRRRR!!!" He is such a big helper not only with his brother but with cleaning up, getting me things & doing my makeup;). He is a little goof so it's hard not to want to watch every little thing that he does. I can't look at him without laughing...He'll look back at you with his cute lil "ISEEEYOU", and yes it is said as if it's one word. He also walks around the house "1,2,3 and A,B,C", he is so smart. He makes me proud to be his mommy. I love hearing him say things that I didn't even know he knew..Like when I dropped a little bit of my shampoo in the shower and he says, "purple"..yep it's purple and he absolutely loves dogs and horses..He has the wrong mommy for that! But he might just be lucky someday since I love him so much. He loves singing the songs he has learned in nursery and will fill in words as I sing. Lately he has cuddled with me and fallen asleep in my arms as I sing the songs he tells me to sing "Popcorn", "Elmo" and "E,I,E,I,O"& he loves doing the actions for Wheels on the Bus! My favorite is probably when he squeals "What is it?" if he sees something cool..or when he yells out "MOTE...?" when he wants to change the channel. He's also on at least the 4th level of Angry Birds and can point out and say several of his body parts!




Life just would not be the same.

Life is full of challenges when it comes to being a mom..100% worth it, but not always easy!
You deal with the everyday messes and the confusion and frustration that comes along not always knowing the answer to absolutely everything. It's a hard thing..and a humbling one when you come to a point where you just don't know.

I have finally been able to admit that it has not been easy with a new baby in the house. But it's not for the.reasons most would think. I'm fine waking up several times in the middle of the night even though it does leave me exhausted the next morning! Certain moments make it worth it and because I have already seen how fast a year caN fly I know someday I'll miss these late nights. I'm fine having to give up even more free time...because I really don't enjoy time to myself anyway..my kids definitely provide the highlights of my everyday. I guess the hard part is not knowing what is wrong when you know something is wrong, if that makes sense.

Little Beckham has a hard time finding happiness, and I honestly don't know why. He cries most of the time he is awake and it is hard..i am not good at the "Just let them cry" thing and for awhile I started thinking that was exactly the problem..I figured he was spoiled! I admit both boys get sooo much attention but I really don't think that's a bad thing at all. I love my boys both so much and I hate to ever leave them, even if it's just for a short while. But anyway...that's not the issue, I just hope we get something figured out soon. It has been a sad few weeks of continuous crying, I am so happy when I am able to get him calmed down without having to feed him, give him a bottle, or use a pacifier! I can't wait for that to be the norm!

We had a sick house this past weekend with me and Brandon both sick and then Tate catching a bit of it the day after! I am thankful to say it didn't last long...Though I do love that I had my lil cuddle bug back for a few days!! I definitely realized that mom's don't get sick days no matter how they fedl and it makes me appreciate my mom just that much more. I don't think you realize what all being a mom means...the demands and why they do all the things they do or did until you have your own kids! I feel closer to my mom,now than ever and I am so grateful for all that she helps me with.! I am also thankful for the sick days she never took that she spent doing more than she had to for us! She is the best!

I also should say how thankful I am for the help I do get from Brandon. When he is able to help.with the boys it makes a huge difference and I am so grateful for the two boys we are blessed with & able to raise together.. I hope wd czn get things right and I also hope that my kids love us as much as I love my parents...I want to see them EVERYDAY for all of eternity.

Life.

Life is crazy, with two boys, I am constantly on my toes.
I love life this way. I have had a lot of fun taking Tate to the park, going on walks and just enjoying time with the boys since we are home so much.

Tate is sick right now, It is so sad seeing him be the worn out..miserable little boy. I am used to him running circles around me and always being on the go so this is weird for me! Now that I have a baby in my arms a huge majority of the time I am having to learn to "share" too...or just split time, whatever you want to call it. I love the moments that Tate gives his brother kisses or just wants to cuddle him even if it's just for a second.I also love that I get a lil more lovin'...even if it is JUST BECAUSE he is sick.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about school and I am really looking forward to getting back to it, I haven't taken a class since the summer and I {almost} miss it! I know once I go back I might change my mind but I have always enjoyed it! I just need to find some fun classes to take since I am done with most of my prerequisites! I think I will start of taking online classes and possibly get back to the campus this summer. I'm not in a rush to leave my boys--That is the HARDEST thing ever for me!(I seriously started crying before we got to the stop sign on my parents street when we left for the hospital! I couldn't even tell Tate bye because I was holding back tears the entire time...I hope it's not like that when school starts up, but I can almost guarantee it will be! Guess I'll have puffy eyes for my classes!)

Brandon Jr ;)

So..I guess just because your genes are extremely dominant one time around doesn't mean they will be twice! I have said multiple times that I will never have another child that looks like me, Tate was such a surprise! Right before Beckham was born Brandon of course asked me one last time what I thought he would look like. We both agreed that he would have dark hair and I'm not sure what we said about his eyes..we won't know that for awhile anyway but I am thinking that they will be brown! This is our Merkley baby for sure!! We have been EXTREMELY blessed with 2 absolutely perfect boys, I think it is kinda fun to have them be so different!

My entire pregnancy with Beckham was so easy, but I can't say I wasn't anxious to have it over. I had Tate exactly a week before his due date and Beckham decided to wait a little longer so I am grateful that I wasn't so miserable with him..On Thursday I was scheduled to be induced on my due date : January 22nd, but fortunately I didn't have to wait till then, I started having contractions late Thursday night and continued to wake up with them throughout the night so we made our way to the hospital soon after Brandon got off work Friday morning.

His delivery was so much different, so much easier and less complicated than Tate's.. My Doctor came in my room at 4:00 and got changed and had everything prepped..Beckham was born at 4:08, I think I was more shocked than anyone..I didn't think it could be that easy!! I do give full credit to him, he didn't deliver Tate, and the situation with Tate was just not good, I am grateful for doctors that know what theyre doing and for the difference it makes. I also really hope he will stay in practice for another 10 years since we are planning to wait so long for baby #3. I was bummed to find out that my nurse, Debra, is graduating from her NP program in March, I would definitely ask for her next time around! I just had an overall good experience. I was so grateful to have such great nurses throughout my stay and a doctor that I trust so much. My recovery went so well and I was so happy to have a healthy and happy baby once again!

Beckham Kai Merkley arrived January 20th, 2012 at 4:08 pm. He weighed 7lb 10 oz and measured 21 inches long. He has dark hair and dark eyes. We both think they could end up blue but we aren't counting on it! Either way he is adorable. He did have jaundice so we stayed an extra day which was hard on me being away froM Tate but
we did what we had to do!

I was so worried for the changes that Beckham would bring and for what it would mean for our family and Tate..i was worried He would feel left out and just be sad and he was a little at first but he has done better each day and just loves his baby brother. He always wants to give hugs and hold him when hes laying down watching cartoons even if he occasionally squeezes a little too tight! I am so proud of him though..i know its hard to have your world rocked like that and appreciate so much that he has made it so easy for me..! He is such a sweet boy and I am so glad I was vlessed with two super easy, happy and content babies.:)

Tate is already trying to teach his lil bro things so he will be a smarty pants too. He will point to baby's toes and fingers and different things and ask "What is it?" I hope he continues to do that until Beckham can answer back. Tate surprises me everyday with the things he knows..you can ask him almost any body part and he can point them out, he asks for food and bottles, and helps us wash his hair..he is also very good at going potty on the big potty and gets his own diapers for me to change.

I love life as a mom