Why Am I Still Awake?!

Alright, I'm a slacker.
Life is just so busy right now, or at least it seems that way!
I feel like everything is "GO, GO, GO!!!" all the time, yet it seems I can't ever get all of the things done that I need to! What the heck..

The one thing I get to do every day that is the most important thing anyway is be a MOM to the best little boys anyone could ask for. They seriously are my EVERYTHING and I can't look at them without smiling. I was driving the other day, just thinking and realized how boring life would be without those two little crazy kids, I love them so much.

I finally got everything going with photography and I am hoping that over the next year or so I can create a business from the hobby I love, it would be so nice to have the extra money while doing something I love! I have wanted to do this for so long so as of right now I am just trying not to get discouraged by all of the amazing pictures I see from more than amazing photographers, I just have to keep telling myself that I can only learn if I am taking photos, and everyone started somewhere! Here are a few recent photos I've taken: (Yay for my sister who is engaged to be married May 5th, 2012--Soon to be Mr. & Mrs. Smith..) (Lil Mr. Beck--2 1/2 months..I messed up and put the watermark on these)

I have been taking temple prep classes, for the second time. At first I really questioned why I had to take the classes twice but of course I didn't say anything and I went ahead and went. It didn't take long for me to love them..I think within the first few minutes I realized that I really needed it and that it was all meant to be. I feel like I learned so much more the second time around and that it really was a blessing. I can't wait to be able to go to the temple and partake of all the blessings that are offered there! I am so excited! :)

Aside from taking the temple prep classes, being a mom and all that it requires, and starting the whole photog thing, I also started school! I was so excited to get back into things and get back on track. I was nearly two years ahead of everyone my age because of the hard work I had put into school right after graduation. I never really allowed myself to take a break and really pushed myself..Then I had to take two semesters off, at different times, one because I was due with Tate the day it started and one because I was due with Beckham shortly after it started. That was hard for me but I am so glad I made the choice to take that time off because I know now all of the things I would've missed out on with my boys!

March 12th I celebrated my 20th birthday. Ahhh. I seriously had two kids before I turned 20. Even I think it's crazy. It's really weird for me..I never thought I would be where I am today but I feel like this is where my life is supposed to be at this point. I have been blessed with so much thus far that I can't imagine what the years to come will bring to my life. I can't imagine it being any better. For the record...I don't feel like I've missed out on anything, yea I am young and I have two kids but they are the best two things in my life..honestly.

Beckham is becoming a happier baby, I don't know if it's us learning or him growing out of a phase. When he was born the doctor handed him to me and I couldn't get him to calm down and honestly there's still moments like that. With Tate everything was so easy and I think it makes it harder but I have so much more patience than I used to. I think the hardest part is just not knowing what to do, I want him to be happy and I don't always know how to make that happen. Yet there are literally times that he just smiles from ear to ear continuously. I love those moments, I guess the hard times make those times even better.He is so strong and holds his head up so good, and rolls over everytime I put him down for some tummy time. He already drinks 6 ounce bottles like it's nothing and is becoming quite the lil chubby guy--ILOVEIT. He is already 2 1/2 months so I know I need to cherish every moment.





Tate is also becoming an amazing big brother. At first he wasn't sure what to think about his lil brother stealing a little bit of his thunder but he's slowly realizing that he is still very loved and still gets TOO MUCH attention. The other day he ran from the shower to Beckham and says "BROTHHERRRRR!!!" He is such a big helper not only with his brother but with cleaning up, getting me things & doing my makeup;). He is a little goof so it's hard not to want to watch every little thing that he does. I can't look at him without laughing...He'll look back at you with his cute lil "ISEEEYOU", and yes it is said as if it's one word. He also walks around the house "1,2,3 and A,B,C", he is so smart. He makes me proud to be his mommy. I love hearing him say things that I didn't even know he knew..Like when I dropped a little bit of my shampoo in the shower and he says, "purple"..yep it's purple and he absolutely loves dogs and horses..He has the wrong mommy for that! But he might just be lucky someday since I love him so much. He loves singing the songs he has learned in nursery and will fill in words as I sing. Lately he has cuddled with me and fallen asleep in my arms as I sing the songs he tells me to sing "Popcorn", "Elmo" and "E,I,E,I,O"& he loves doing the actions for Wheels on the Bus! My favorite is probably when he squeals "What is it?" if he sees something cool..or when he yells out "MOTE...?" when he wants to change the channel. He's also on at least the 4th level of Angry Birds and can point out and say several of his body parts!




Life just would not be the same.

Life is full of challenges when it comes to being a mom..100% worth it, but not always easy!
You deal with the everyday messes and the confusion and frustration that comes along not always knowing the answer to absolutely everything. It's a hard thing..and a humbling one when you come to a point where you just don't know.

I have finally been able to admit that it has not been easy with a new baby in the house. But it's not for the.reasons most would think. I'm fine waking up several times in the middle of the night even though it does leave me exhausted the next morning! Certain moments make it worth it and because I have already seen how fast a year caN fly I know someday I'll miss these late nights. I'm fine having to give up even more free time...because I really don't enjoy time to myself anyway..my kids definitely provide the highlights of my everyday. I guess the hard part is not knowing what is wrong when you know something is wrong, if that makes sense.

Little Beckham has a hard time finding happiness, and I honestly don't know why. He cries most of the time he is awake and it is hard..i am not good at the "Just let them cry" thing and for awhile I started thinking that was exactly the problem..I figured he was spoiled! I admit both boys get sooo much attention but I really don't think that's a bad thing at all. I love my boys both so much and I hate to ever leave them, even if it's just for a short while. But anyway...that's not the issue, I just hope we get something figured out soon. It has been a sad few weeks of continuous crying, I am so happy when I am able to get him calmed down without having to feed him, give him a bottle, or use a pacifier! I can't wait for that to be the norm!

We had a sick house this past weekend with me and Brandon both sick and then Tate catching a bit of it the day after! I am thankful to say it didn't last long...Though I do love that I had my lil cuddle bug back for a few days!! I definitely realized that mom's don't get sick days no matter how they fedl and it makes me appreciate my mom just that much more. I don't think you realize what all being a mom means...the demands and why they do all the things they do or did until you have your own kids! I feel closer to my mom,now than ever and I am so grateful for all that she helps me with.! I am also thankful for the sick days she never took that she spent doing more than she had to for us! She is the best!

I also should say how thankful I am for the help I do get from Brandon. When he is able to help.with the boys it makes a huge difference and I am so grateful for the two boys we are blessed with & able to raise together.. I hope wd czn get things right and I also hope that my kids love us as much as I love my parents...I want to see them EVERYDAY for all of eternity.

Life.

Life is crazy, with two boys, I am constantly on my toes.
I love life this way. I have had a lot of fun taking Tate to the park, going on walks and just enjoying time with the boys since we are home so much.

Tate is sick right now, It is so sad seeing him be the worn out..miserable little boy. I am used to him running circles around me and always being on the go so this is weird for me! Now that I have a baby in my arms a huge majority of the time I am having to learn to "share" too...or just split time, whatever you want to call it. I love the moments that Tate gives his brother kisses or just wants to cuddle him even if it's just for a second.I also love that I get a lil more lovin'...even if it is JUST BECAUSE he is sick.

I have been doing a lot of thinking about school and I am really looking forward to getting back to it, I haven't taken a class since the summer and I {almost} miss it! I know once I go back I might change my mind but I have always enjoyed it! I just need to find some fun classes to take since I am done with most of my prerequisites! I think I will start of taking online classes and possibly get back to the campus this summer. I'm not in a rush to leave my boys--That is the HARDEST thing ever for me!(I seriously started crying before we got to the stop sign on my parents street when we left for the hospital! I couldn't even tell Tate bye because I was holding back tears the entire time...I hope it's not like that when school starts up, but I can almost guarantee it will be! Guess I'll have puffy eyes for my classes!)

Brandon Jr ;)

So..I guess just because your genes are extremely dominant one time around doesn't mean they will be twice! I have said multiple times that I will never have another child that looks like me, Tate was such a surprise! Right before Beckham was born Brandon of course asked me one last time what I thought he would look like. We both agreed that he would have dark hair and I'm not sure what we said about his eyes..we won't know that for awhile anyway but I am thinking that they will be brown! This is our Merkley baby for sure!! We have been EXTREMELY blessed with 2 absolutely perfect boys, I think it is kinda fun to have them be so different!

My entire pregnancy with Beckham was so easy, but I can't say I wasn't anxious to have it over. I had Tate exactly a week before his due date and Beckham decided to wait a little longer so I am grateful that I wasn't so miserable with him..On Thursday I was scheduled to be induced on my due date : January 22nd, but fortunately I didn't have to wait till then, I started having contractions late Thursday night and continued to wake up with them throughout the night so we made our way to the hospital soon after Brandon got off work Friday morning.

His delivery was so much different, so much easier and less complicated than Tate's.. My Doctor came in my room at 4:00 and got changed and had everything prepped..Beckham was born at 4:08, I think I was more shocked than anyone..I didn't think it could be that easy!! I do give full credit to him, he didn't deliver Tate, and the situation with Tate was just not good, I am grateful for doctors that know what theyre doing and for the difference it makes. I also really hope he will stay in practice for another 10 years since we are planning to wait so long for baby #3. I was bummed to find out that my nurse, Debra, is graduating from her NP program in March, I would definitely ask for her next time around! I just had an overall good experience. I was so grateful to have such great nurses throughout my stay and a doctor that I trust so much. My recovery went so well and I was so happy to have a healthy and happy baby once again!

Beckham Kai Merkley arrived January 20th, 2012 at 4:08 pm. He weighed 7lb 10 oz and measured 21 inches long. He has dark hair and dark eyes. We both think they could end up blue but we aren't counting on it! Either way he is adorable. He did have jaundice so we stayed an extra day which was hard on me being away froM Tate but
we did what we had to do!

I was so worried for the changes that Beckham would bring and for what it would mean for our family and Tate..i was worried He would feel left out and just be sad and he was a little at first but he has done better each day and just loves his baby brother. He always wants to give hugs and hold him when hes laying down watching cartoons even if he occasionally squeezes a little too tight! I am so proud of him though..i know its hard to have your world rocked like that and appreciate so much that he has made it so easy for me..! He is such a sweet boy and I am so glad I was vlessed with two super easy, happy and content babies.:)

Tate is already trying to teach his lil bro things so he will be a smarty pants too. He will point to baby's toes and fingers and different things and ask "What is it?" I hope he continues to do that until Beckham can answer back. Tate surprises me everyday with the things he knows..you can ask him almost any body part and he can point them out, he asks for food and bottles, and helps us wash his hair..he is also very good at going potty on the big potty and gets his own diapers for me to change.

I love life as a mom

I am so beyond blessed for everything in my life.
This month has really helped me to realize all that I have and how much is taken for granted.
Brandon graduates from the academy Friday and officially becomes an officer for Gila River Police Dept., we are happy to have a "guaranteed" income so that we can budget our money a little better and not have the constant worry! Luckily we have been able to have everything that we need and then some evem when Brandon was working solely for comission. It will be nice to have more than 2 days a week to squeeze in family time!

Tate has grown up so much...i came across pictures.of his first birthday party and other things that have happened fairly recently and Im amazed at how much older he not only looks but seems!
He goes potty on the toilet everytime you ask if he needs to, he learned to blow his lil nose, he carries around a baby doll like the best of brothers out there, says bless you when he sneezes, flirts with EVERY girl in EVERY store no matter how old they are, he asks for most things that he needs, and knows so many different words! He cAn repeat aLmost anything you say...depending on his mood!!! He hasnt quite put any sentences together yet but he is ready to start talking our ears off with his new jibber jabber thing he's gotten into..he talks to anything and everything, I just have no idea what the conversations are about!!;) He is so polite he says thank you and please often! He even.says thank you when.im frustrated and give him a lil smack on the hand..its hard to be mad after that...

Thanksgiving

I am so grateful for so many things and feel as though I don't take enough time to think about and appreciate all that it is. This past year and a half has made me a mom, and taught me so,much about life and about myself..without a question I am most thankful for my family, most importantly my baby boy and his brother on the way. Before I had Tate I never really knew the meaning or feeling of unconditional love but I know now that there is nothing in the world that could make me love that kid any less! Even though sometimes being a mommy means life gets more challenging with each new day, I truly am grateful for every second I have with him..

Of course I am grateful for my savior, Jesus Christ, for helping me to have my family and making it possible to keep them by my side even into eternity..That is the greatest gift that could ever be given.
I often just think of things that I have been blessed with and I really am amazed I feel like I am so lucky to have all that I do..Church has been such a blessing in my life and has given me direction in all aspects of my life and been such a guide and inspiration in decisions, even small everyday ones.

I am thankful for this time of year and what it brings..it is a time of year to enjoy family and reflect on the past year of memories, as I have gotten older I have honestly realized that the best part of the entire
Holiday season is the.memories and time spent with family..although I do get extra excited to see Tate's reaction to lights hanging, decorated trees, Santa and gifts.I do hope to bring a lot of tradition into our home to help us to grow closer and to stay a close family!

I am grateful for a year of so much joy and not much to be sad about, this has been a good year so far with so many great things..many people can't say that!

I am thankful for friends and for the fact that you can go to them to talk to regardless of how far away they are.

I am grateful for this baby on the way, I must admit it wasnt the easiest idea to get used to but I already feel such a love for him and cant wait to meet my baby boy. I look forward to watching my boys be best friends and grow up together..

The list goes in and on...i hope to continue adding everyday:)

Baby Brother

{Who is still unnamed}
is due to arrive just 2 months from Tuesday..
Or about 9 weeks from now:)

I am hoping to have another ultrasound soon since we actually have insurance this time around because I'm curious to see how he is measuring and progressing!
As far as my measurements I am pretty much right where I'm supposed to be just measuring about a 1/2 a week small or so! I am getting anxious/excited but I am also pretty nervous, I love love love being a mom but I'm a little hesitant about the idea of raising 2 boys..I know it comes somewhat naturally but there are so many things I want and hope to give them and things that they need that I just hope I can do it all!! I also hope that Tate responds well to his little brother, there relationship matters more than anything to me! I really hope they are best friends.

{Beckham Kai/ Beckham Cruz or Gradyn Kai} What do you thinkk?!?!
I'll tell you one thing..He is one active little boy, he really likes to kick! Maybe it's only fitting that he somewhat be named after a soccer player? :)

Smartie Pants.

Okay so I have to say we have one funny kid on our hands.
Tate got a book for his birthday from his cousins Delilah & Jaylee called "Mickey's Roadtrip" and in the book Mickey and all of his friends go through all of these different places to get to the beach for a picnic..(none of that really matters) But anyway one of the places happens to be a farm. Tate's new thing is to make animal noises, he learned to bark back at dogs about a month ago but now you can ask him a few different animals and he totally knows what they say!

"Tate, what does a cow say?" ---"MOOOOOOOOOO"
"Tate, what does a pig say?" ---"Sniff, SNiff, Sniff"
"Tate, what does a dog say?" --- " Woooo, Wooo, Wooo"

He is so dang smart...and I think we might possibly have an early potty trainer?
I would love if he was potty trained before baby brother gets here but at the same time,I don't know if I'm ready for it yet. I know the holiday season would be a bad time to even try but I am working on just teaching him what the potty is for right now. I am definitely not in a rush. But when your 15 month old starts saying potty and then going into the bathroom, maybe he is ready?!!!

I put him on the potty one day just to see if he knew what to do, and just said "okay, go potty" and he really went!!!! I totally wasn't expecting it..but now he holds his potty until I take his diaper off and has started pottying while I change him, like he did when he was a newborn...except ON PURPOSE!!!!
I have put him on the toilet once or so everyday since and he goes everytime. So idk, he might just get a potty for Christmas..I guess we will see!

Pretty soon this kid is going to be teaching me things I don't even know. I definitely think he could teach us all some manners!lol...He says thank you after everything!!

I know I need to go back and add photos to about 2 months of posts but it just takes so long..I am planning to get videos of Tate saying all of these funny things he says but I just haven't gotten around to it yet!!! If I don't do it soon..someone please get on me about that!! I need a reminder every now and then:)

Our lil housewife

Tate is such a goof...we went out to run errands on Saturday and we got home that evening...the house was pretty clean but apparently Tate thought otherwise! He got into the broom closet and pulled out the mop and the bucket for water of course! He walked all around the house "mopping" the hallway and kitchen and even repeatedly dipped the mop in his imaginary water! I was laughing pretty hard.He always loves to clean up and helps me vacuum, sweep and mop each time I do, I'm not sure where he gets that from! He even puts his own toys away and cleans up messes if he spills or anything(with help of course..haha)..while he sings "clean up, clean up....". After he finished cleaning he pulled out every bowl and spoon in reach and decided to "bake" something..Im glad to know he has seen me do these things enough. It was just so funny to see that he already takes initiative to do that! I love watching him learn and I think he learns new things everyday! I don't know how he lesrns words so quickly but his brain must work much faster than mine! If he is in the right mood you can say the most random words and he will repeat them right back, I try to work withh him a lot on them.

He has learned to say Jesus, Meme, flower, kitty cat, Cow, Moo, pretty, brother, baby and a ton more things...a lot of which I've mentioned in previous posts! He teaches me everyday in so many different ways! You definitely lesrn to appreciate the little things when you have kids and I'm loving every minute of it.

I am so grateful for this time of year and looking forward to lots of time with family and friends.
My best friend will be here from cali in 4 days!
Thanksgiving is in 10 days..Brandon graduates in 1 month and 9 days after that is Christmas! Then exactly 4 weeks later (January 22 ) baby brother is due! Not to mention all the fun things in between!So much to be grateful for and to look forward to!

and Tate finally had his 1 yr check up! He is perfectly proportioned at the 90th percentile in height weight and his head! Yes he grew into it:) I am glad that the doctors agree that he is perfect:)
24lb 1 oz. ..32+ inches, 19 in head

I was doing really good and now I'm behind...again! It seems like There is always something to say.
Halloween was pretty successful, we were able to get out a few different days and do things as a family! We went to our ward trunk or treat where Tate had me running around like crazy as he held his bucket up to each person...whether they had candy or not:) Then we went to his Grandma and Grandpa Merkley's ward fall festival where they had games and got to get some candy! Halloween night we were able to go just one block, after one street Tate started restingg his head on my hand and I knew he was done for! Even as tired as he was he still managed to learn to say thank you when he got his candy! He is seriously so dang smart..idk what I would do without him! Hopefully he teaches lily brother well because I am not a good teacher! lol